115

115 The One With the Stoned Guy
115 烟鬼

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving Joey, Ross, and Monica their drinks.]
[场景：Central Perk，Rachel正在给Joey、Ross还有Monica端饮料]
Rachel: (to Joey) Coffee. (Hands it to him.)
Rachel：（对Joey）咖啡。（递给他）
Joey: Thank you.
Joey：谢谢。
Rachel: (to Ross) Cappuccino. (Hands it to him.)
Rachel：（对Ross）卡帕奇诺。（递给他）
Ross: Grazie.
Ross：谢谢。
//Grazie，意大利语
Rachel: And a nice hot cider for Monica. (Hands it to her.)
Rachel：还有一杯热的苹果酒给Monica。（递给她）
Monica: Aww, thank you. (Notices something.) Uh Rach?
Monica：啊，谢谢。（注意到一些东西）恩，Rach？
Rachel: Yeah?
Rachel：怎么了？
Monica: Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser?
Monica：为什么我的肉桂棒上有一个橡皮？
Rachel: Oh! That’s why. (Rachel checks behind her ear, and finds a cinamon stick.) I’m sorry!
Rachel：噢，这就是原因。（Rachel摸了一下耳后，找到了一个肉桂棒）对不起。
(She takes the pencil out of Monica’s coffee and Monica puts her cup down in disgust.)
（她把铅笔从Monica的咖啡中拿了出来，而Monica一脸恶心的表情把咖啡放下了）
[Scene: Chandler’s job, Chandler is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.]
[场景：Chandler的公司，Chandler正在向计算机中输入数据，他甚至喝咖啡的时候也用一只手输入。他的一位同事走过来了]
Woman: Chandler.
女人：Chandler。
Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. You’re looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.
Chandler：Tedlock夫人，您今天看上去可爱极了。请允许我说一句，您的袖子长度让您显得可爱极了。
Mrs. Tedlock: Yes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day.
Tedlock夫人：是啊，恩，Kostelick先生让你在今天下班之前到他办公室去一趟。
Chandler: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) Nothing.
Chandler：哦，听我说。如果是因为那个恶作剧的备忘录，我和那个一点关系都没有。真的，一点关系都没有。真的。（Chandler试图藏起桌上的一个橡皮鸡）没有关系。
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler. Phoebe runs in, excitedly.]
[场景：Central Perk，除了Chandler大家都在，Phoebe激动地跑进来了]
Phoebe: Hey you guys! Chandler’s coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know…
Phoebe：你们大火，Chandler就要来了，刚才他说，他，有一个好消息要告诉大家，所以当他来的时候，咱们都要表现的，你们知道的…
(Chandler comes in.)
（Chalder进来了）
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler：嘿！
All: Hey!
大家：嘿！
Phoebe: Never mind. But it was going to be really good.
Phoebe：算了，但是本来确实是个好消息呢。
Ross: What’s going on?
Ross：怎么了？
All: What is it?
大家：什么事？
Chandler: So, it’s a typical day at work. I’m inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Chandler：恩，在公司本来是很普通的一天，我正在输入我的数字，然后大Al叫我去他办公室，然后告诉我要提升我为处理部主管。
All: That’s great!
大家：真是太好了！
Chandler: So…. I quit.
Chandler：所以…我辞职了。
All: Why?
大家：为什么？
Chandler: Why? This was supposed to be a temp job!
Chandler：为什么？这本来就是一个临时的工作。
Monica: Yeah, Chandler… you’ve been there for five years.
Monica：是啊，Chandler…你已经干了这个工作五年了。
Chandler: If I took this promotion, it’d be like admitting that this is what I actually do.
Chandler：如果我接受这次的升职，就好像在承认我确实喜欢这个工作。
Phoebe: So was it a lot more money?
Phoebe：那么薪水有没有上涨啊？
Chandler: It doesn’t matter. I just don’t want to be one of those guys that’s in his office until twelve o’clock at night worrying about the WENUS.
Chandler：跟那个没关系，我只是不想变成那样的人，要在办公室里呆到12点，然后担心着WENUS。
(Everyone looks at him, confused.)
（大家都莫名其妙地看着他）
Rachel: … the WENUS?
Rachel：…WENUS？
Chandler: Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term.
Chandler：每周估计净用量统计系统，处理方面的术语。
Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh. That WENUS.
Rachel：（讽刺地）哦，那个WENUS啊。
Joey: So what’re you going to do?
Joey：那么你准备干什么？
Chandler: I don’t know. That’s the thing. I don’t know what I want to do. I just know I’m not going to figure it out working there.
Chandler：我不知道。问题就在这里，我也不知道我想干什么，我只是知道我不想继续目前的这个工作。
Phoebe: Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new massage client… Steve? (pause) Anyway, he’s opening up a restaurant and he’s looking for a head chef.
Phoebe：哦！我这里有工作你可以试试！我有一个新的按摩客户…Steve什么的，（停顿）无所谓了，他要开一家餐馆，正在招主厨。
Monica: (taps Phoebe on her shoulder) Um… hi there.
Monica：（拍了拍Phoebe的肩膀）恩…你好啊。
Phoebe: Hi! (turns back to Chandler, then to Monica) Oh, yeah, no, I know. You’re a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler’s the one who needs a job right now, so….
Phoebe：嗨！（转向Chandler，然后对Monica说）哦，是啊，不，我知道，你是个厨师，我知道，而且我早就考虑过你，但是，恩，Chandler现在是最需要工作的人，所以…
Chandler: Yeah… I just don’t have that much cheffing experience. Unless it’s an all-toast restaurant.
Chandler：是啊…只不过我没有太多烹饪经验，除非那是一家专供土司的餐馆。
Phoebe: (to Monica’s tapping) Yeah, yeah!
Phoebe：（回应Monica）是啊，是啊。
Monica: Well, what kind of food is he looking for?
Monica：恩，他们提供什么样的食物？
Phoebe: Well, he wants to do some ecclectic, so he’s looking for someone who can, you know, create the entire menu.
Phoebe：恩，他想搞一个全面点的餐馆，所以正在找一个，恩，能准备一份完整菜谱的人。
Monica: (excited) Oh my God!
Monica：（激动地）哦我的天哪！
Phoebe: Yeah, I know! (turns to Chandler) So, what do you think?
Phoebe：是啊，我知道！（转向Chandler）那么，你觉得如何？
Chandler: Thanks, Phoebe. But I just don’t really see myself in a big white hat.
Chandler：谢谢，Phoebe。但是我真的觉得我不像能够戴那种白色厨师帽的人。
Phoebe: OK. (pause) Oh Monica! Guess what!
Phoebe：好吧。（停顿）哦Monica，你猜怎样！
[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Chandler walks in, wearing a suit.]
[场景：Monica和Rachel家，Chandler走进来了，穿着一身西装]
Chandler: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
Chandler：你们能透过我的衬衫看到我的乳头吗？
Rachel: No. But don’t worry, I’m sure they’re still there.
Rachel：不行，但是不用担心，我确定它们还在那里。
Phoebe: Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man?
Phoebe：你要到哪去？西装
笔挺先生？
Chandler: Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counselor a-gogo. (pause) I added the "a-gogo."
Chandler：恩，我有一个预约，和Robert Pillman先生，他是个职业顾问a-gogo。（停顿）“a-gogo”是我自己加的。
Rachel: Career counselor?
Rachel：职业顾问？
Chandler: Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.
Chandler：嘿，你们都有了自己的人生目标。
Rachel: I don’t!
Rachel：我没有啊！
Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don’t have a dream.
Chandler：嘿，你们几个在客厅里的都有了自己的人生目标，而且你们也知道自己要干什么，你们有自己的梦想。而我没有梦想。
Ross: Ah, the lesser-known "I don’t have a dream" speech.
Ross：啊，这是不为人知的“我没有梦想”演讲。
(Monica enters, excited.)
（Monica进来了，很激动）
Monica: Oh, I love my life, I love my life!
Monica：噢，我爱我的生活，我爱我的生活。
Phoebe: Ooh! Brian’s Song!
Phoebe：噢！Brain的歌！
Rachel: The meeting with the guy went great?
Rachel：跟那个人的见面很棒？
Monica: So great! He showed me where the restaurant’s going to be. It’s this, it’s this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right.
Monica：太棒了！他带我看了餐馆的位置，是在，是在第十街上一个非常可爱的地方，不太大，不太小，刚刚好。
Chandler: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?
Chandler：那地方以前是不是一个有胡子的金发女人在经营？
Monica: So anyway, I’m cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me because then you can ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ and make yummy noises.
Monica：那又如何，我周一晚上要给他做饭。你们知道吗，有点像是试做。还有，Phoebe，他非常希望你也能在场，这对我是非常有利的，因为你到时候就可以“哦”还有“啊”这样做出味道很好的样子了。
Rachel: What are you going to make?
Rachel：你准备做什么？
Phoebe: (as though Rachel wasn’t paying attention) Yummy noises.
Phoebe：（以为Rachel在跟她说话）好吃的声音啊。
Rachel: (pause) And Monica, what are you going to make?
Rachel：（停顿）那么Monica，你准备做什么？
Monica: I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s just going to be so great!
Monica：我不知道，我不知道，不过这实在是太棒了。
Phoebe: Ooh! I know what you could make! (runs over to join Monica and Rachel in the kitchen) I know! Oh, you should definitely make that thing… you know, with the stuff? (Monica doesn’t know.) You know, that thing… with the stuff…? OK, I don’t know. (sits down)
Phoebe：哦！我知道你应该做什么了。（跑向厨房里的Monica和Rachel）我知道！哦，你绝对应该做那东西…你知道吗，用那东西？（Monica不知道）你知道吗，那东西…用那东西…？好吧，我不知道。（坐下了）
Ross: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?
Ross：嘿，伙计们，你们知道附近那里有比较好的约会的地方吗？
Joey: How about Tony’s? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it’s free.
Joey：Tony如何？如果你能吃掉32盎司的牛排，就可以免单。
Ross: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you’re not dating a puma?
Ross：好吧，恩，嘿，你们谁知道如果不和美洲豹约会，去哪里比较好？
Chandler: Who are you going out with?
Chandler：你准备约谁？
Phoebe: Oh, is this the bug lady?
Phoebe：哦，是不是那个虫子女士？
Rachel: (trying to sound like a bug) Bzzzz…. I love you, Ross.
Rachel：（试图装出虫子的声音）Bzzzz….我爱你，Ross。
Ross: Her name is Celia. She’s not a bug lady. She’s curator of insects at the museum.
Ross：她叫Celia，她不是虫子女士，她是博物馆里昆虫馆的馆长。
Rachel: So what are you guys going to do?
Rachel：那么你们俩准备干嘛去？
Ross: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I’d introduce her to my monkey.
Ross：哦，我觉得我俩可以一起去吃晚餐，然后也许可以把她带到我家，然后把我的猴子介绍给她。
Chandler: And he’s not speaking metaphorically.
Chandler：他在这里并没有表达什么隐晦的意思。
//Monkey，还能表达什么意思？
Joey: (aside to Ross) So…. back to your place…you thinking, maybe… (gestures with hands, back and forth) huh-huh?
Joey：（在Ross旁边）那么…带到你家…你觉得，也许…（用手前后做手势）恩？恩？
Ross: Well, I don’t know…. (gestures) huh-huh…. but I’m hoping (gestures) huh-huh.
Ross：恩，我不知道…（做手势）恩，恩…但是我希望（做手势） 恩，恩。
Joey: I’m telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She’s going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it’ll seal the deal.
Joey：我告诉你，那个猴子是美女吸铁石！她们绝对愿意看看那个毛茸茸的东西，可爱的小脸。
[Scene: Ross’s apartment, Marcel is hanging from Celia’s hair, and she is screaming, trying to get him off.]
[场景：Ross家，Marcel正抓着Celia的头发，Celia正在尖叫，试图挣扎出来]
Ross: Celia, don’t worry! Don’t scream! He’s not going to hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel…
Ross：Celia，别害怕，别着急，他不会伤害你的！放低声调，Celia，放低声调！Marcel…
Celia: I can’t stand this! He’s got his claws in my…
Celia：我受不了了！它的爪子就要放到…
Ross: Alright… (lifts Marcel away)
Ross：好吧…（把Marcel放到一边）
[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, everyone is there but Ross and Chandler. Monica is making food, and having everyone try it.]
[场景：Monica和Rachel家，除了Ross和Chandler别人都在，Monica正在做饭，让大家都尝]
Monica: (to Joey) OK, try this salmon mousse.
Monica：（对Joey）好了，试试看我的鲑鱼幕司。
Joey: (tasting) Mmmm. Good.
Joey：（品尝）恩，不错。
Monica: Is it better than the other salmon mousse?
Monica：是不是比其他的鲑鱼幕司要好吃？
Joey: It’s creamier.
Joey：这个更粘。
Monica: Yeah, well, is that better?
Monica：是啊，恩，那到底是好还是不好？
Joey: I don’t know. We’re talking about whipped fish, Monica. I’m just happy I’m keeping it down, y’know?
Joey：我不知道。咱们在讨论的可是绞碎的鱼，Monica，我正在庆幸自己能咽下去呢，你明白吗？
(Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily. His clothes are askew, he looks beat.)
（Chandler踢了一脚，门关上了，他的衣服全部歪斜着，看起来很沮丧）
Rachel: My God! What happened to you?
Rachel：我的天哪！你怎么了？
Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests… and what do I learn? (he taps the results and reads them) "You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation."
Chandler：八个半小时的倾向测试、智商测试、个性测试…我了解到了什么？（他拿出测试结果开始读）“您非常适合就职于大型跨国企业的数据处理部门”
Phoebe: That’s so great! ‘Cause you already know how to do that!
Phoebe：真是太好了，因为你已经知道这个工作要怎么干了！
Chandler: Can you believe it? I mean, don’t I seem like somebody who should be doing some
thing really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something…something.
Chandler：你能相信吗？我是说，我难道不想使那种可以干一些很酷的工作的人吗？你知道的，我总是在幻想自己做一些…一些事情。
Rachel: (comes up and rubs him on the chest) Oh Chandler, I know, I know… oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt!
Rachel：（过来摩擦他的胸部）哦Chandler，我知道，我知道…哦，嘿，透过衬衫可以看到你的乳头的！
Monica: (brings a plate of tiny appetizers over) Here you go, maybe this’ll cheer you up.
Monica：（拿来了一碟很少的开胃菜）嘿，跟你说，也许这些可以让你高兴起来。
Chandler: Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I’d better split this with you.
Chandler：哦，你知道吗，大概五小时前我已经吃过了一颗葡萄，所以我最好还是和你分着吃这个吧。
Monica: It’s supposed to be that small. It’s a pre-appetizer. The French call it an amouz-bouche.
Monica：本来不应该这么小的，这只是开胃菜的开胃菜，法国人把这个叫做amouz-bouche。
Chandler: (tastes it) Well…. it is amouz-ing…
Chandler：（尝了尝）恩…确实amouz-ing…
//不太明白意思
(Phone rings. Monica answers it.)
（电话响了，Monica去接）
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, hi Wendy! (Listens) Yeah, eight o’clock. (Listens) What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?… (Listens) OK, great. (Listens) All right, I’ll see you then. Bye. (hangs up)
Monica：（对着电话）喂？（听）哦，嗨，Wendy！（听）恩，八点钟。（听）咱们怎么说的？每小时十块钱？…（听）好的，太棒了。（听）没问题，到时见，Bye。（挂掉）
Phoebe: Ten dollars an hour for what?
Phoebe：每小时十块钱干吗？
Monica: Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at work if she’d help me out.
Monica：哦，我让我们餐馆的一位服务员来帮我忙。
Rachel: (hurt) Waitressing?
Rachel：（受伤了）服务员？
Joey: Uh-oh.
Joey：啊噢。
Monica: Well… of course I thought of you! But… but…
Monica：恩…我当然考虑过你！但是…但是…
Rachel: But, but?
Rachel：但是，但是什么？
Monica: But, you see, it’s just… this night has to go just perfect, you know? And, well, Wendy’s more of a… professional waitress.
Monica：但是，你看，这只是…今晚我需要一切都尽善尽美，你知道吗？而且，恩，Wendy更像是一个…专业服务员。
Rachel: Oh! I see. And I’ve sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that I can waitress in the Olympics.
Rachel：哦！我明白了。我只要继续保持服务员这个业余爱好，就可以去奥运会上提供服务了。
Chandler: You know, I don’t mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in ’76. (dead silence) Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray)
Chandler：你知道吗，不是我在吹牛，1976年我在因斯布鲁柯等桌子的时候。（死一样的沉寂）Amouz-bouche？（端起盘子）
[Scene: Ross’ apartment, Girl, You’ll Be A Woman Soon (the original, not that cruddy Urge Overkill version) is playing. Ross and Celia are kissing passionately.]
[场景：Ross家，正在播放Girl, You’ll Be A Woman Soon（原唱，而不是翻唱版本）这首歌，Ross和Celia正在热情地接吻]
Celia: Talk to me.
Celia：跟我说话。
Ross: OK…. um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning…
Ross：好吧…恩，今天早上我做火车的时候发生了一件奇怪的事情…
Celia: No no no. Talk… dirty.
Celia：不不不，跟我说…下流话。
Ross: (embarrassed) Wha… what, here?
Ross：（难为情）什…什么，在这里说？
Celia: Yes…
Celia：当然…
Ross: Ah….
Ross：啊…
Celia: Say something….. hot.
Celia：说一些…惹火的。
Ross: (panicked) Er…. um…..
Ross：（恐慌地）啊…恩…
Celia: What?
Celia：什么？
Ross: Um… uh…. vulva.
Ross：恩…恩…外阴。
[Scene: Chandler and Joey’s, Joey and Ross are there, discussing what happened last night.]
[场景：Chandler和Joey家，Joey和Ross在，正在讨论昨晚发生的事情]
Joey: (in disbelief) Vulva?
Joey：（不相信地）外阴？
Ross: Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You know, but it wasn’t a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling.
Ross：好吧，我害怕了，好吗？她太让我惊讶了，你知道吗，但也不全是没好处，我是说，我们最后以拥抱结束了。
Joey: (sarcastic) Whoaa!! You cuddled? How many times??
Joey：（讽刺地）哇！你们拥抱了？多少次？
Ross: Shut up! It was nice. I just… I don’t think I’m the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?
Ross：闭嘴！感觉很好的，我只是…我觉得我不是那种可以说下流话的人，你知道吗？
Joey: What’s the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I’ll tell you what. Just try something on me.
Joey：有什么大不了的？你只要说打算对她做什么就行了，或者你希望她对你做什么，或者你觉得其他人对别人都会怎样做。我跟你说，你在我身上试试看吧。
Ross: (deadpan) Please be kidding.
Ross：（面无表情）请告诉我你在开玩笑。
Joey: Why not? Come on! Just, just close your eyes and tell me what you’d like to be doing right now.
Joey：为什么不呢？来吧！只要，只要闭上你的眼睛，然后告诉我你接下来想要干什么就可以了。
Ross: OK. (closes eyes) I’m in my apartment…
Ross：好吧。（闭上眼睛）我正在我房间里…
Joey: ….yeah… what else?
Joey：…很好…然后呢？
Ross: That’s it. I’m in my apartment, you’re not there, we’re not having this conversation. (gets up, walks across room)
Ross：就这样。我在我的房间里，你不在那儿，咱俩没有进行过这个对话。（起身走过房间）
Joey: (walks to catch up to him) Alright, look, I’ll start, OK?
Joey：（走到他身边）好吧，看，从我开始，好吗？
Ross: Joey, please.
Ross：Joey，拜托。
Joey: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! (in a low voice) Oh… Ross…. you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.
Joey：来吧，来吧。好吧，准备好了吗？看！（压低声音）哦…Ross…你让我好爽。我想你现在就舔我。
Ross: (impressed) Wow.
Ross：（印象深刻）哦。
Joey: Alright, now you say something.
Joey：好了，现在该你说点什么了。
Ross: I… ahem… I really don’t think so.
Ross：我…恩…我真的说不出来。
Joey: Come on! You like this woman, right?
Joey：加油！你喜欢这个女人，对吧？
Ross: Yeah.
Ross：是啊。
Joey: You want to see her again, right?
Joey：你还想再见到她，对吧？
Ross: Sure.
Ross：当然。
Joey: Well if you can’t talk dirty to me, how’re you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt!
Joey：那么，如果你都不敢对我说下流话，那你怎么可能对她说下流话？现在，告诉我你想要抚摸我的屁股。
Ross: OK, turn around. (Joey looks taken aback) I just don’t want you staring at me when I’m doing this.
Ross：好吧，转过身。（Joey向后看他）我只是不想你在我说的时候盯着我看。
Joey: (turning around) Alright, alright. I’m around. Go ahead.
Joey：（转过身）好吧，好吧，我转过来了，开始把。
Ross: Ahem… I want…. OK, I want to… feel your… hot, soft skin with my lips.
Ross：恩…我想…好吧，我想要…用我的双唇感
觉你那…火热，柔软的皮肤。
Joey: There you go! Keep going. Keep going!
Joey：这就对了，继续说，继续说！
Ross: I, er…
Ross：我，恩…
(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don’t notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.)
（这时候，Chandler从卧室走进客厅了，Ross和Joey都背对着他，所以他们没发现。Chandler看到这种情况，就保持安静，在一边看了起来）
Ross: I want to take my tongue… and…
Ross：我想用我的舌头…然后…
(Chandler is completely astounded.)
（Chandler大吃一惊）
Ross: ….and….
Ross：…然后…
Joey: Say it… say it!
Joey：快说…快说。
Ross: …run it all over your body until you’re… trembling with… with…
Ross：…舔过你的全身，直到你…发抖…然后…
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
（Chandler斜过身靠在墙上，Ross和Joey听到了。Ross和Joey同时注意到了，他们缓慢地停下来，然后缓慢地转过身，看到Chandler正在看他们）
Chandler: (smiling)….with??
Chandler：（笑）…然后？
Ross: (rushing to explain) Funny story!
Ross：（急着解释）说来好笑！
Joey: You’re not going to believe this!
Joey：你不会相信这个的！
Chandler: It’s OK. It’s OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together.
Chandler：没关系，没关系，我一直都支持你们两个孩子在一起。
Joey: Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again.
Joey：嘿Chandler，你睡觉的时候你们以前公司那个男人打电话过来了。
Chandler: Again?
Chandler：又一次？
Joey: And again, and again, and again… (phone rings, he answers) Hello?
Joey：一次一次又一次…（电话响了，他去接）喂？
(hands phone to Chandler) And again.
（把电话扔给Chandler）又一次。
Chandler: (on phone) Hey Mr. Kostelic! How’s life on the fifteenth floor? (Listens) Yeah, I miss you too. (Listens) Yeah, it’s a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? (Listens) Well, that’s very generous (Listens) er, but look, this isn’t about the money. I need something that’s more than a job. I need something I can really care about…. (Listens) And that’s on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? (Listens) Look, Al, Al… I’m not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! (Listens) No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I’m telling you, you’ve got the wrong guy! You’ve got the wrong guy! (Listens) I’ll see you on Monday! (slams the phone down)
Chandler：（对着电话）嘿，Kostelic先生，15楼的日子过得怎样？（听）是啊，我也想你。（听）恩，偷自己家里的笔太没有满足感了，你知道吗？（听）恩，那真的是很慷慨（听）恩，但是看啊，这不是钱的事。我需要的不仅仅是一份工作。我需要一些我真正关心的事情…（听）而且，那是你之前提过的年度奖金的计划吗…（听）看啊，Al，Al…我不准备继续了，好吗？这不是协商，这是拒绝！（听）不，不，不，别再说数字了！我告诉你，你找错人了！你找错人了！（听）那星期一见！（用力放下了电话）
//还有这种好事？
[Scene: Chandler’s new window office, he is showing Phoebe around.]
[场景：Chandler的新办公室，他正带着Phoebe到处转]
Chandler: Well?
Chandler：怎样？
Phoebe: (excited) Wow! It’s huge! It’s so much bigger than the cubicle. Oh, this is a cube.
Phoebe：（很激动）哇！好大啊！比以前的小隔间大多了。哦，这是个大隔间。
Chandler: Look at this! (he opens the curtain to a view of New York City)
Chandler：看这个！（他打开窗帘，从窗口可以看到纽约的街景）
Phoebe: Oh! You have a window!
Phoebe：哦，你还有个窗户！
Chandler: Yes indeedy! (they look outside) With a beautiful view of…
Chandler：是啊！（他们向外看）多么美丽的风景啊…
Phoebe: Oh look! That guy’s peeing!
Phoebe：哦看啊，有个人在小便！
Chandler: (walks away from window) OK, that’s enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down.
Chandler：（离开窗户）好了，风景看够了，看看这个，看这个，坐下，坐下。
Phoebe: (sitting) OK.
Phoebe：（坐好）好的。
Chandler: This is great! (he presses a button on his intercom) Helen, could you come in here for a moment?
Chandler：这个更棒！（他在内部电话上按下了一个按键）Helen，你能进来到我这里一下吗？
(An unamused woman walks into the office.)
（一位一脸不快的女人进来了）
Chandler: Thank you Helen, that’ll be all.
Chanlder：谢谢你，Helen，就这样吧。
(She leaves, obviously perturbed.)
（她离开了，明显很不愉快）
Chandler: Last time I do that, I promise.
Chandler：最后一次这样做了，我保证。
[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Monica is on the phone. Rachel walks in and overhears the conversation.]
[场景：Monica和Rachel家，Monica正在讲电话，Rachel走进来了，无意中听到了下面的谈话]
Monica: (shouting on phone) Wendy, we had a deal! (Listens) Yeah, you promised! Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! (hangs up)
Monica：（对着电话大喊）Wendy，咱俩约好的！（听）是啊，你答应我了！Wendy！Wendy！Wendy！（挂掉）
Rachel: Who was that?
Rachel：谁的电话啊？
Monica: Wendy bailed. I have no waitress.
Monica：Wendy保证过的，现在我没有服务员了。
Rachel: Oh… that’s too bad. Bye bye. (she walks away towards the door)
Rachel：哦…这可真是太糟糕了。Bye Bye。（她走向大门）
Monica: Ten dollars an hour.
Monica：一小时十块钱。
Rachel: No.
Rachel：不。
Monica: Twelve dollars an hour.
Monica：一小时十二块钱。
Rachel: Mon. I wish I could, but I’ve made plans to walk around.
Rachel：Mon，我真希望我可以在这里，但是我已经计划出去转转了。
Monica: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you… (Rachel isn’t buying it, desperate) twenty dollars an hour.
Monica：你知道吗，Rachel，当你从你的婚礼上逃出来后，我一直在支持你，是我收留了你，如果这对你而言没有任何意义的话…（Rachel不买帐，快要绝望了）一小时二十块钱。
Rachel: Done.
Rachel：成交。
[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, later. Rachel is waitressing, Monica is cooking. Phoebe walks in with Steve (Crystal Duck winner Jon Lovitz).]
[场景：Monica和Rachel家，晚些时候，Rachel正在做服务员的工作，Monica在做饭，Phoebe和Steve一起走进来了]
Rachel: Well hello! Welcome to Monica’s. May I take your coat?
Rachel：恩，您好！欢迎来Monica家，我来给您放外套吧！
Monica: Hi Steve!
Monica：嗨，Steve！
Steve: Hello, Monica. (to Rachel) Hello, greeter girl.
Steve：你好，Monica。（对Rachel）你好，门迎女孩。
Monica: (to Steve) This is Rachel.
Monica：（对Steve）她是Rachel。
Steve: (unconcerned) Yeah, OK.
Steve：（毫不关心）是啊，好吧。
Phoebe: (overemphasizing) Mmmmmm! Everything smells so delicious! You know, I can’t remember a time I smelt such a delicious combination of (Monica signals her to stop) of, OK, smells.
Phoebe：（过分强调）恩！所有东西闻起来都很不错
！你知道吗，我都忘了上一次闻到这么好闻的（Monica给她打手势要停止），好吧，味道。
Steve: It’s a lovely apartment.
Steve：这间房子很不错。
Monica: Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour?
Monica：哦，谢谢。您想要参观一下吗？
Steve: I was just being polite, but, alright.
Steve：我只是客套一下，不过好吧。
(They leave on the tour and Rachel goes to follow them but Phoebe stops her and drags her into the kitchen.)
（他们去参观了，Rachel本来想跟着去，但是Phoebe拦住了她，并把她拉到厨房）
Rachel: What’s up?
Rachel：怎么了？
Phoebe: (whispers) In the cab, on the way over, Steve blazed up a doobie.
Phoebe：（耳语）在过来的出租车上，Steve点了根草。
Rachel: What?
Rachel：啥？
Phoebe: Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja?
Phoebe：抽了根大麻，你知道吗，lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja?
//大麻的不同叫法，不过翻译过来全部都是“大麻”，干脆就不翻译了。
Rachel: OK, OK. I’m with you, Cheech. OK.
Rachel：好的，好的，我知道了，好吗？
Steve: (from the living room) Is it dry in here? (licks his lips)
Steve：（在客厅里）这里是不是很干燥？（舔嘴唇）
Rachel: Let me, let me get you some wine!
Rachel：让我，让我给你倒酒吧。
Monica: Yeah, I think we’re ready for our first course. (Steve sits, Monica brings over a tray) OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce… (Steve starts to eat them one by one, quickly)… with just a touch of mints… and… (he finishes)… ginger.
Monica：是啊，我想咱们可以开始第一道菜了。（Steve坐着，Monica端过来一个盘子）好的，恩，这些是rot-shrimp ravioli，还有elantro pondou sauce…（Steve一个一个吃得很快）…还有一点点薄荷…还有…（吃完了）…生姜。
Steve: Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! These are fantastic!
Steve：恩，拍我的屁股，叫我Judy！这些真是太好了！
//不太明白这句什么意思
Monica: I’m so glad you liked them!
Monica：我真高兴您能喜欢这些。
Steve: Like ’em? I could eat a hundred of them!
Steve：喜欢这些？我可以吃掉上百个！
Monica: Oh, well… um, that’s all there are of these. But in about eight and a half minutes, we’ll be serving some delicious onion tartlets.
Monica：噢，好吧…恩，这东西就只有这么多了，不过再过大概八分半钟，我会给你吃一些非常好吃的洋葱馅饼。
Steve: Tartlets. Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost all meaning. (he gets up and goes into the kitchen)
Steve：馅饼、馅饼、馅饼。名字都已经失去意义了（他起身走进厨房）。
Rachel: Excuse me? Can I help you with anything?
Rachel：抱歉，需要我帮忙吗？
Steve: You know, I don’t know what I’m looking for.
Steve：你知道吗，我也不知道自己在找什么。
(Rachel tries to get Monica’s attention to tell her Steve is stoned. She pretends to drag on a joint, and Monica thinks she’s giving her the ‘OK’ signal. Then Rachel does it again, inhaling deeply this time. Monica waves it off as though she doesn’t believe it.)
（Rachel试图吸引Monica的注意力，以便告诉她Steve已经因为吸毒而神志不清了。她做出了吸毒的手势，而Monica以为她正在做“OK”的手势。Rachel又一次作出了手势，而且这次装作吸入了更多气体，Monica挥了挥手制止了，因为她不相信）
Steve: (from kitchen) Ah, cool! Taco shells! (Rachel motions, "You see!") You know, these are… they’re like a little corn envelope.
Steve：（在厨房）啊，酷！玉米卷！（Rachel做出了“走着瞧”的表情）你们知道吗，这些是…就像是很小的玉米信封。
Monica: (joining him and taking the taco shells) You know that? You don’t want to spoil your appetite.
Monica：（走过来拿走了玉米卷）你知道吗，你不会想要先在就破坏掉你的食欲的。
Steve: (looking in cabinets) Hey! Sugar-O’s! (grabs the cereal box)
Steve：（继续在橱柜里找）嘿！圈糖！（抓过另一盒谷类食品）
Monica: You know, if you just wait another… six and a half minutes…
Monica：您知道吗，如果您能再等…六分半钟…
Steve: Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this!
Steve：通心面和干酪！我们一定要做这个！
Monica: No, we don’t. (reaches for box)
Monica：不，咱们不做。（拿盒子）
Steve: Oh, OK. (he drops the box on the floor) Oh, sorry. (When she bends down to pick it up he grabs a package of Gummi-bears from the cabinet.)
Steve：噢，好吧。（他把盒子掉到地上了）噢，对不起。（当Monica弯腰去捡盒子的时候，他又从厨柜里拿起了一盒Gummi-bears）。
Monica: Why don’t you just have a seat here? (he sits at the table, then tries to secretly eat the Gummi-bears. Monica spots him.) OK… give me the Gummi-bears.
Monica：您为什么不坐在这里休息一下呢？（他坐在了桌子旁，然后打算偷偷吃Gummi-bears，Monica发现了）好吧…给我Gummi-bears。
Steve: (childishly) No.
Steve：不。
Monica: Give them to me.
Monica：快点给我。
Steve: Alright, we’ll share.
Steve：好吧，咱俩分。
Monica: No, give me the…
Monica：不，快给我…
Steve: Well then you can’t have any. (she grabs for the package, and it breaks open. Gummi-bears fly everywhere, some into the punch bowl on the table.) Bear overboard! I think he’s drowning. (he throws some Sugar-O’s into the punch bowl) Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O… save yourself! (Mimicking the bears) "Help! I’m drowning! Help!"
Steve：那你就一个都没有。（Monica抓住了袋子，带子破了，Gummi-bears撒得到处都是，有些甚至掉到了桌上的汤碗里。）小熊落水了！我看他们快淹死了！（他把一些圈糖扔到碗里了）嘿，伙计们，快点抓住圈糖…自己逃命吧！（模仿小熊）救命！我快要淹死了！救命！
Monica: (furious) That’s it! Dinner is over!
Monica：（抓狂了）算了！晚饭结束了！
Steve: What?
Steve：啥？
Monica: What?
Monica：啥？
Steve: Why?
Steve：为啥？
Monica: Why? It’s just that I’ve waited seven years for an opportunity like this, and you can’t even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?
Monica：为啥？我已经等待这样的机会整整七年了，而你甚至不愿意为那个愚蠢的洋葱馅饼等待四分半钟？
(The oven goes off.)
（烤箱计时器响了）
Steve: (excited) Hey!
Steve：（激动地）嘿！
[Scene: Central Perk, all are there except Chandler.]
[场景：Centeal Perk，除了Chandler大家都在]
Joey: What a tool!
Joey：真是可惜！
Rachel: You don’t want to work for a guy like that.
Rachel：你不会愿意给那样的人工作的。
Ross: Yeah!
Ross：没错！
Monica: I know… it’s just… I thought this was, you know… it.
Monica：我知道…只是…我原本以为这次，你知道…
Ross: Look, you’ll get there. You’re an amazing chef.
Ross：瞧啊，你会成功的，你是个很好的厨师。
Phoebe: Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I wasn’t faking.
Phoebe：是啊！你知道吗，所有那些好吃的声音，那些都不是假装的。
(Ross gets up and goes over to the counter and Joey follows him.)
（Ross起来走向柜台，Joey跟着去了）
Joey: (to Ross) So, er… how did it go with Celia?
Joey：（对Ross）那么，恩…跟Celia怎样了？
Ross: Oh, I was unbelievable.
Ross：噢，真是不敢相信。
Joey: All right, Ross!
Joey：这就好，Ross！
Ross: I was
the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were characters, plot lines, themes, a motif… at one point there were villagers.
Ross：我说下流话就好像James Michener，那肯定会是你这辈子听过的最下流的话。我是说，甚至包含了角色、情结线路、主题、主旨…甚至还有村民。
Joey: Whoa! And the… (gestures with hands) huh-huh?
Joey：哇噢！然后就…（用手做手势）恩，恩？
Ross: Well, ahem… you know, by the time we’d finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late… and we were both kind of exhausted, so uh…
Ross：恩，安..你知道吗，当我讲完这些下流话之后，已经很晚了…而且我俩都已经很累了，所以…
Joey: You cuddled.
Joey：你俩拥抱了。
Ross: Yeah, which was nice.
Ross：是啊，感觉可真好。
Phoebe: You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something?
Phoebe：你们几个想不想去看夜场电影或者什么？
Rachel: Maybe, but shouldn’t we wait for Chandler?
Rachel：可能吧，但咱们不等等Chandler吗？
Joey: Yeah, where the hell is he?
Joey：是啊，他到底在哪呢？
[Scene: Chandler’s office, he’s on the phone, agitated.]
[场景：Chandler的办公室，他正在打电话，情绪很激动]
Chandler: (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I’m looking at the WENUS and I’m not happy!… (Listens) Oh, really, really, really? Well, let me tell you something… you will care about it, because I care about it! You got it? Good! (slams phone down, then leans back and realizes what just happened) Whooooaaaa….
Chandler：（对这电话）是的，Fran，我知道现在的实践，但是我正在看着WENUS，而我很不愉快！…（听）噢，真的，真的，真的？那么，让我告诉你一些事情吧…你会在乎的，因为我在乎！你明白吗？好！（扔下电话，靠在椅子上，突然意识到刚才发生的事情）Whooooaaaa….
[Scene: Phoebe’s massage parlour, she has Steve on the table, and is giving him an extra-painful massage.]
[场景：Phoebe的按摩室里，Steve正躺在桌子上，Phoebe正在给他进行非常痛苦的按摩]
Phoebe: How’s this? (presses down hard)
Phoebe：现在怎么样？（用力按下）
Steve: Eeeee!
Steve：Eeeee！
Phoebe: Sorry. How about over here? (presses down hard again)
Phoebe：对不起。那这里怎样？（更加用力按下）
Steve: Aaaaah!
Stebe：Aaaaah！
Phoebe: See, that just means it’s working. Does this hurt? (presses down elsewhere)
Phoebe：知道了，这表示起作用了。这样疼吗？（按下了其他地方）
Steve: No.
Steve：不疼。
Phoebe: What about this? (she starts using her elbows on his back, he yells in pain)
Phoebe：这样呢？（她开始用自己的手肘按他的后背，他因为疼大喊了出来）
Steve: Aaaaahhh!!
Steve：Aaaaahhh！
Phoebe: There you go! (She continues to work him over with her elbows and he continues to yell in pain.)
Phoebe：这就对了！（她继续用自己的手肘用力按，他也继续大声喊叫）
End
结束