111,Part 1

111 The One With Mrs. Bing
111 Bing太太
[Scene: A Street: Monica and Phoebe are walking to a newsstand.]
[场景:一条大街上,Monica和Phoebe正在走向一个书报摊]
Phoebe: Do you think they have yesterday’s daily news?
Phoebe:你想他们有昨天的日报吗?
Monica: Why?
Monica:干嘛?
Phoebe: Just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.
Phoebe:只想看看我的星座占卜,看他们说的对不对。
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don’t look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
Monica:哦我的天哪。(抓住Phoebe将她转过来)Phoebe,现在别看,不过现在在你身后有一个男人,完全可能伤了咱俩的心,并将咱俩推向沮丧的深渊。
Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma.
Phoebe:在哪?(转过脸面向他)哦,乖乖隆的东。
Monica: He’s coming. Be cool, be cool, be cool.
Monica:他过来了,冷静,冷静,冷静。
(The guy walks past them)
(男人走过她俩)
Guy: Nice hat.
男人:帽子不错。
Monica and Phoebe: (in unison) Thanks.
Monica和Phoebe:(一致地)谢谢。
(The guy walks on)
(男人离开了)
Phoebe: We should do something. Whistle.
Phoebe:咱们得做点什么。吹口哨。
Monica: We are not going to whistle.
Monica:咱们不能吹口哨。
Phoebe: Come on, do it.
Phoebe:快点,吹吧。
Monica: No!
Monica:不!
Phoebe: Do it!
Phoebe:吹!
Monica: No!
Monica:不!
Phoebe: Do it do it do it!
Phoebe:快吹,快吹,快吹!
Monica: (Shouts to the guy) Woo-woo!
Monica:(对着男人喊)Woo-woo!
(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)
(男人转身,很吃惊。Monica指着Phoebe,男人被卡车撞到了)
Phoebe: I can’t believe you did that!
Phoebe:真不敢相信你会这样做!
[Scene: Hospital, the guy is in a coma and Mon and Pheebs are visiting.]
[场景:医院里,男人正在昏迷中,Mon和Pheebs来看他]
Monica: Why did I ‘woo-hoo’? I mean, what was I hoping would happen? That-that he’d turn round and say ‘I love that sound, I must have you now’?
Monica:我干嘛要“woo-woo”?我是说,我觉得这样之后会发生什么事情?难道,难道他转过身说“我喜欢这个声音,我现在就要你”?
Phoebe: I just wish there was something we could do. (Bends down and talks to him) Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP!
Phoebe:我希望咱们能做点什么。(弯下身对男人说)你好,你好,昏迷的男人,起来,你这个美女杀手,起来!起来!起来!
Monica: Phoebe, what are you doing?
Monica:Phoebe,你在干嘛呢?
Phoebe: Maybe nobody’s tried this.
Phoebe:也许没人试过这个方法。
Monica: I wish we at least knew his name… Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he’s a lawyer.
Monica:我希望咱们至少知道他的名字…看他的脸啊,我是说,虽然还睡着,不过看上去很聪明,我打赌他是个律师。
Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he’s artistic.
Phoebe:才怪,你看到他手指节上的茧子了吗?这意味着他是个艺术家。
Monica: Okay, he’s a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance!
Monica:好吧,他是个律师,但是兼职教雕塑。而且,他会跳舞。
Phoebe: Oh! And, he’s the kinda guy who, when you’re talking, he’s listening, y’know, and not saying ‘Yeah, I understand’ but really wondering what you look like naked.
Phoebe:哦!还有,他算是那种人,当你说话的时候,他会认真倾听,你知道的,而不会是那种嘴上说‘是啊,我明白’,但心里实际想的是你裸体的样子。
Monica: I wish all guys could be like him.
Monica:我希望所有男人都可以和他一样。
Phoebe: I know.
Phoebe:我知道。
[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Monica and Phoebe are telling everyone about their coma guy.]
[场景:Monica和Rachel家,Monica和Phoebe正在给大家说那个男人的事情]
Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
Chandler:整个城里难道就没有适合你俩的清醒男人吗?
Monica: He doesn’t have anyone.
Monica:没有像他那样的了。
Phoebe: Yeah, we-we feel kinda responsible.
Phoebe:是啊,我们,我们觉得自己要负这个责任。
Joey: I can’t believe you said woowoo. I don’t even say woowoo.
Joey:我不敢相信你们woowoo了,连我都不说woowoo。
Rachel: Oh, she’s coming up! She’s coming up! (Turns on the TV)
Rachel:哦,她开演了!她开演了!(打开电视)
Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we’ll be talking about her new book, ‘Euphoria Unbound’: the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.
Jay Leno:(电视中)观众朋友们,稍后我们将会讨论她的新书:“往日谊情”,以及永远都那么迷人的Nora Tyler Bing,这次你也许会希望先让孩子上床了。
(Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler)
(大家都坐下来看,除了Chandler)
Chandler: Y’know, we don’t have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie’s is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.
Chandler:你们几个,咱们没必要非看这个啊,HBO和Cinemax正在演Weekend At Bernie’s呢。
//Weekend At Bernie’s:http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098627/
Rachel: No way, forget it.
Rachel:没门,省省吧。
Joey: C’mon, she’s your mom!
Joey:拜托,她是你妈妈!
Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie’s!
Chandler:没错,看Weekend At Bernie’s!
Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom’s books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!
Rachel:Chandler,我得告诉你,我喜欢你妈妈的书!我喜欢她的书!坐飞机的时候我必须看她的书!我是说,她的书非常棒!
Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn’t think it was cool if you’re eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of ‘M i s t r e s s B i t c h.’
Chandler:是啊,恩,如果你在11岁大的时候,你的朋友都传阅“*婊*子*情*妇*”第79页你就不会觉得棒了!
Ross: C’mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she’s a blast.
Ross:得了,Chandler,我喜欢你妈妈,我觉得她不同凡响。
Chandler: You can say that because she’s not your mom.
Chandler:你当然可以这样说,她又不是你妈妈。
Ross: Oh, please…
Ross:哦,得了…
(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)
(Rachel给Paolo打开门)
Paolo: Bona sera.
Paolo:Bona sera。
Rachel: Oh, hi sweetie. (They kiss)
Rachel:哦,嗨,甜心。(他俩接吻)
Ross: When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?
Ross:那个意大利佬什么时候从罗马回来了?
Monica: Last night.
Monica:昨晚。
Ross: Ah, so then his plane didn’t explode in a big ball of fire?… Just a dream I had- but, phew.
Ross:啊,那就是说,他的飞机没有在空中爆炸成火球了?…只是我做过的一个梦,但是,唉。
Phoebe: Hey hey hey! She’s on!
Phoebe:嘿嘿嘿,她上场了!
Paolo: Ah! Nora Bing!
Paolo:啊!Nora Bing!
Jay Leno: (on TV) …Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?
Jay Leno:(电视中)…现在,说到这件事,你在伦敦被捕了,到底是因为什么原因?
Phoebe: Your mom was arrested?
Phoebe:你妈妈被捕了?
Chandler: Shhh, busy beaming with pride.
Chandler:嘘,??
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) …This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I’ve been intimate with a man…
Bing太太:(电视中)…这有点难为情,但是有时候在和男人亲热之后…
Chandler: Now why would she say that’s embarrassing?
Chandler:她现在竟然会说难为情?
All: Shhh.
大家:嘘!
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) …I just get this craving for Kung Pow Chicken.
Bing太太:(电视中)…我会突然非常想吃宫保鸡丁。
//不明白这有什么好笑的
Chandler: THAT’S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!
Chandler:透漏太多了!
Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you’re doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?
Jay Leno:(电视中)好的,那么你现在正在四处对新书进行宣传,都有什么计划吗?
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh, fine. I’m leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love…
Bing太太:哦,恩,我明天就要动身去纽约了,虽然我讨厌那里,不过我可以去看看我儿子,我很爱他…
All: Awww!
大家:哇!
Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.
Chandler:我只能通过这种方式得知情况,大部分妈妈都会使用电话。
Jay Leno: (on TV) Y’know, don’t take this wrong, I-I just don’t see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don’t mean that, I don’t mean that bad…
Jay Leno:(电视中)问问你,不过请别误会,我,我一点都没看出你已经是做母亲的人了,不知为什么…我不是那个意思,我没有恶意的…
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms.
Bing太太:(电视中)哦,没事,我是个很开明的妈妈,我儿子的第一个安全套都是我给他买的。
(The gang turn to look at Chandler)
(大伙转身看Chandler)
Chandler: …And then he burst into flames.
Chandler:…然后她就欲火焚身了。
[Scene: The Hospital, it’s a montage of Monica and Phoebe’s visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background.  It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
[场景:医院,一系列场景显示了Monica和Phoebe的到访,背景音乐则是My Guy的歌曲。从Monica给他读报纸开始]
Monica: Let’s see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill… the mayor wants to raise subway fares again… the high today was forty-five… and- oh, teams played sports.
Monica:咱们看看。议会正在讨论一项新的赤字削减法案…市长打算再次提高地铁票价…今天最高温度45度,还有,哦,运动员们参加了各种比赛。
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
[接下来是一个她俩向病房中拖动一棵植物的镜头,接着是Monica织毛衣,然后Phoebe唱歌,接着Phoebe一边给他刮胡须一边和Monica聊天]
Phoebe: What about Glen? He could be a Glen.
Phoebe:Glen怎样?他可以叫Glen的。
Monica: Nah… not-not special enough.
Monica:啊,不行,不够特别。
Phoebe: Ooh! How about Agamemnon?
Phoebe:哦,那Agamemnon怎样?
Monica: Waaay too special.
Monica:又太特别了。
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and his mom are there.]
[场景:一家墨西哥餐馆,Monica、Phoebe、Joey、Chandler还有他妈妈在场]
Mrs. Bing: I am famished. What do I want… (Looks at Chandler’s menu)
Bing太太:我饿死了,我要吃点什么呢…(看Chandler的菜单)
Chandler: Please God don’t let it be Kung Pow Chicken.
Chandler:拜托不要告诉我你要吃宫保鸡丁。
Mrs. Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What’d you think?
Bing太太:哦,你看那个节目了!觉得如何?
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Chandler:嗯,我觉得你应该稍微卸掉一些伪装。
Ross: (Entering) What is this dive? Only you could’ve picked this place.
Ross:(上场)这是个什么庸俗的店?只有你才会挑选这种店。
Mrs. Bing: Oooh, c’mon, shut up, it’s fun. Gimme a hug. (They both sit down) Well, I think we’re ready for some tequila.
Bing太太:哦,拜托,闭嘴,这里很有趣。来拥抱一下。(两人坐下)恩,我觉得咱们可以喝点龙舌兰酒了。
Chandler: I know I am.
Chandler:我知道我得喝点了。
Mrs. Bing: Who’s doing shots?
Bing太太:谁想一口干?
Monica: Yeah.
Monica:来。
Phoebe: I’m in.
Phoebe:我想。
Mrs. Bing: There y’go. Ross?
Bing太太:好的,Ross你呢?
Ross: Uh, I’m not really a shot drinking kinda guy.
Ross:嗯,我不是那种喜欢喝酒一口干的人。
(Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat flustered)
(Rachel和Paolo进来了,两人看起来都有些狼狈)
Rachel: Hi! Sorry- sorry we’re late, we, uh, kinda just, y’know, lost track of time.
Rachel:嗨,对不起,对不起我们来晚了,我们,恩,刚刚,你们知道的,晚了一点。
Ross: …But a man can change. (Downs a shot)
Ross:…但是人是会变的。(一口干)
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller’s eye.]
[时间流逝,Ross显然已经醉了,他正在把玻璃杯放在眼前充当头戴式显微镜]
Ross: Anyone want me to appraise anything?
Ross:有人想要我评价什么事情吗?
(Rachel feeds something to Paolo. He eats it and licks her hand)
(Rachel给Paolo喂东西吃,他吃掉后开始添她的手)
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I’ve read everything you’ve ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Rachel:Bing太太,我得告诉你,你写的每本书我都看过了。不,我是说真的,当我读到爽在午夜的时候,我只想也当一个作家。
Mrs. Bing: Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a book.
Bing太太:哦,拜托,听我说,亲爱的,如果我可以做到,任何人都可以做到。你只要从描写几个欧洲城市开始,然后用委婉的说法描写男性生殖器,然后,Bam,你的书就写
好了。
Chandler: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen.
Chandler:女士们,先生们,这就是我妈妈。
[Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.]
[镜头切换,Bing太太在打电话]
Mrs. Bing: Yeah, any messages for room 226?
Bing太太:嗯,226房有留言吗?
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked ‘Chicas’)
(Ross从一个标着“听雨轩”的洗手间出来了)
//嘿嘿,Chicas如何恰当翻译确实想了很久,正好前几天出去FB的时候看到一家火锅店的卫生间门上就写了“听雨轩”和“观瀑亭”,用在这里确实合适
Mrs. Bing: You okay there, slugger?
Bing太太:你还好吧,猛男?
Ross: Yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
Ross:嗯,我还好,我还好。(一位女士从他身后走出洗手间,而他试图假装自己刚才从另一间里出来的)
Mrs. Bing: What is with you tonight?
Bing太太:你今晚是怎么回事?
Ross: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing.
Ross:没事,没事,没事,没事。
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) It’s the Italian Hand-Licker, isn’t it.
Bing太太:(电话中)好的,谢谢。(对Ross)是因为那个意大利舔手男,对吧?
Ross: No. It’s the one he’s licking.
Ross:不,是因为被他舔的那个。
Mrs. Bing: She’s supposed to be with you.
Bing太太:她本该是和你在一起的。
Ross: You’re good.
Ross:你确实厉害。
Mrs. Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y’know why?
Bing太太:哦,Ross,听我说。我的书通常都能卖出上百万本,你知道为什么吗?
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
Ross:因为封面上露两点的美女?
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C’mon, the guy’s a secondary character, a, y’know, complication you eventually kill off.
Bing太太:不,因为我知道怎样描写恋爱中的男人和女人。相信我,Paolo这样的根本没有市场,人们不会愿意翻到第325页去看他。拜托,那家伙只是个男二号,知道吗,最终还是会被你打败的。
Ross: When?
Ross:什么时候?
Mrs. Bing: He’s not a hero. …You know who our hero is.
Bing太太:他不是英雄…你知道谁是英雄吗?
Ross: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
Ross:封面上露两点的猛男?
Mrs. Bing: No, it’s you!
Bing太太:不,是你!
Ross: Please.
Ross:得了。
Mrs. Bing: No, really, c’mon. You’re smart, you’re sexy…
Bing太太:不,我说真的,拜托,你那么聪明,那么性感…
Ross: Right.
Ross:对啊。
Mrs. Bing: You are gonna be fine, believe me.
Bing太太:你会没事的,相信我。
(She kisses him on the cheek)
(她在他的脖子上吻了一下)
Ross: Uh-oh…
Ross:哦…
(…Then full on the mouth)
(…然后开始法式的)
(Enter Joey)
(Joey上场)
Joey: Uhhhh…. I’ll just pee in the street.
Joey:嗯…我去街上尿吧。
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